My family and How I feel

Zhang Hui - 2

Zhang En - 5

L-R: Hui, Shannon, En

I have 2 daughters, Zhang En and Zhang Hui, and a wife, Shannon. En is 5 and Hui is 2. Shannon's age I can;t tell you. They are all great to be with. Infact, we went to Singapore for a 3 day trip. I drove down south on Dec 24 and spend a few days there and drove back home on the night of Dec 26. Hui had fever the whole trip, and actually had to pop some kid's panadol to keep it under control. She is okay now, thank goodness.

In January, Shannon has planned a trip with the girls, with another family, drive up to Ipoh for a week stay. In March, Shannon, the girls, and me, has planned a 4 day trip to Langkawi. Possibly, in May, we will plan a trip to Melaka, is high time that we get there. And maybe to Gua Tempurung and Lata Kijang.

I might add, I love all these trips with the family. I love it because those are the only time where I am with the family and on every trip I felt that I am much closer to them and they to me. Is always fun, is always great experience. Either for the girls, for Shannon or for me.

It is so much more enjoyable with the family now because I have stop smoking. 4 months already. So much calmer, so much more freedom now without having to sneak out to have a puff to satisfy the urge of nicotine. I feel much more closer to the girls now and to Shannon. At least now, I do not need to lie to them and smoke behind their back. I can come clean now and it is a good baggage to part.

I never thought that En, Hui and Shannon, can bring so much happiness to me. But indeed they have. EnHui (I abbreviated it to mean En and Hui) gave me all the nice experiences, like relaxing and feeling contented by watching them cycling about. When we are in the pool, I felt so alive and happy that I am needed to hold them and carry them around in the deep end. Such lovely moments, simple actions, can be so fulfiling to me as a father. They can be so happy, laughing and shouting freely, just because I spent time with them and genuinely playing with them. Participating in their activities together.

Shannon is a homemaker, a teacher and a facilitator to EnHui. Hui is not of school-going age yet. En has skipped, what normal children do, her 1st year of kindie. Going to skip next year's kindie too. And she is looking to skip her primary schooling too. If there is no unforseen circumstances, EnHui will be home-schooled. They will largely be allow to learn and gather knowledge at their own pace and interest. They will not be following any syllabus or system. They will only be following what they themselves want to do on that day or time. Shannon and myself, thought that it would not be fully unstructured. On the other hand, we are trying to introduce a certain things that we think is important to her, albeit, slowly and carefully as not to pressure her to accept such things unwillingly. The fundamental believe of, if one is force into learning something, she will not go far in it, and it will instead be a chore and may lead to non-interest in learning. We think fundamental maths and language such as Malay, Chinese and Englisth that we must try to instil in them to learn. I hope we can have success over this.

We are successful, at least I deem successful, in a lot of things. En has shown a good command in speaking English. Beginner in speaking Mandarin. And picking up words in BM. Recently, she is able to spell English words. Interested in experiments. Science experiments, always open to how things work. Interested in animals and insects. Like to draw, play with colors. Experiments and experiments. She has a very good and inquisitive mind. Play Lego blocks. Play with dolls. Does a lot of art and craft by herself. Pretty innovative in creating things. She is very brave in attempting new things, which is great, we thought we lost her a few years back. But I notice that she is much courageous now in attempting to do it herself and I have to becareful not to be too eager to help her or warn her. I have to allow her to fail by herself, I must allow her the freedom to try and finally will only extend help when she needs it. Yesterday night, she continue her short story writing (very short story - only one or 2 phrases or sentences) on her pc. And she send it to her friends' mom and Yee Ling (her aunt). So she saw how the file is being save , attached and sent out through email. She have a own email account. She also start to use the pc in watching cd and vcd. I thought it is pretty cool. A very big step forward.

Hui being 2 years old, is at her most cheekiest, and awfully unreasonable period. She will throw a few tantrums a day. But still, nothing can beat her smile. Shannon and myself are very patient with her, I guess we have been through that period with En and know how to handle the situation. And we don;t get work-up so easily. Hui is as smart as En. She also has a very good mind and thanks to Shannon and me getting out of her way in trying things and failing and learning, we found that she is more courageous in experimenting and brave in attempting synonymous with a highly independent child. I believe she will also walk the path of home-schooling or unschooling.

Shannon, she is the best. Strongest. And her endurance is like an olympian marathon runner. I depended on her on a lot of things. I love her with my heart. She is a pillar of strength. There is no denying that she can;t get along with my mom and dad, but is tough. My parents are not easy to get along with, I can see that. But being a son to my parents that brought me up, they are my parents and still I love them. This is my only regret that there will be a constant conflict between Shannon and my parents. But, I can;t complain much, we are all putting special effort in trying to keep peace.

I feel great, as a husband, and a father. So bless, so lucky. I am grateful with what I have. And guess what, I have so much opportunities in front of me, to enjoy even more with the family. I can;t complain.

I will end here today, I have recorded and summarize how I feel. I did not know what title to give, because the writings do not have a theme nor a particular topic. It is really just how I feel at this time. Until next time, when I write again, I hope the world is rid of sorrow.