Quit Smoking - Part 3

Jack Ng - Free and Healing for One Month, One Day and 20 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 5 Hours, by avoiding the use of 640 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $288.51.

There you go, that's the message from my quit smoking counter. 32 days free of cigarrette. I never thought I can go this far,  I am proud of myself at the same time, I am pretty vigilant for those moments where I still crave for a puff or two.

I used to lie to my wife about quitting smoking, already quit smoking and smoking only a few ciggies a day, and all kinds of rubbish. My wife has been believing me, disappointed with me when she finds out that I still smokes, then forgave me after I tell her that I stopped (but in actual fact, I never stop), and then found out again and then forgave me again. Let me tell you, I am a bastard case. But today, i feel proud that I have redeem some of the trust and pride if my wife were to know that I have really quit smoking, going clean for 32 days. I am not sure if she will be able to comprehend the freedom from cigarette, the way I am feeling now. Maybe she will not understand. But anyway, I felt good because I can overcome this urge, this habit, this addiction for 32 days. And I will continue to stay away from it, and I want to have my life back under control. Not under any influence of nicotine.

Is beautiful, I can tell you. I just had 9 days off from the Hari Raya shutdown, and I have spent these 9 days at home, with my wife and daughters, visiting friends, playing, swimming, going to the park, jogging, reading, doing stuff at home, baking, and more...., there isn't a lot of moments where I thought about smoking. That is so great, such a great feeling. A feeling that I am free from this nicotine and I do not need to get a puff when I am tired from doing house work, sneak out and grab a puff. Make excuses that I need to get out of the apartment to take things from my car, to throw out the rubbish, to buy newspaper, to drink coffee, to eat supper, to buy fruits, all these activities I must do it alone, in order to smoke and not let anyone know. These days, I don;t have to do all these. When I go out, I will ask if my kids want to join. Whereas in the past, when I go out, and if my wife ask me to bring the kids along to have a walk, I will feel disappointed that I don;t get to smoke and make all kinds of reason not to bring them. Can you imagine? Darn, now that I wrote this down, I have been a lousy lousy dad and husband. But the 9 days were fun. Were freedom. I am happy and it is different without the urge to smoke.

I really hope people can feel whatever I feel. Is a great feeling. I hope that people who is trying to quit, get to read this and maybe get some inspiration from this.