Jack Ng - Free and Healing for One Month, One Day and 20 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 5 Hours, by avoiding the use of 640 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $288.51.
There you go, that's the message from my quit smoking counter. 32 days free of cigarrette. I never thought I can go this far, I am proud of myself at the same time, I am pretty vigilant for those moments where I still crave for a puff or two.
I used to lie to my wife about quitting smoking, already quit smoking and smoking only a few ciggies a day, and all kinds of rubbish. My wife has been believing me, disappointed with me when she finds out that I still smokes, then forgave me after I tell her that I stopped (but in actual fact, I never stop), and then found out again and then forgave me again. Let me tell you, I am a bastard case. But today, i feel proud that I have redeem some of the trust and pride if my wife were to know that I have really quit smoking, going clean for 32 days. I am not sure if she will be able to comprehend the freedom from cigarette, the way I am feeling now. Maybe she will not understand. But anyway, I felt good because I can overcome this urge, this habit, this addiction for 32 days. And I will continue to stay away from it, and I want to have my life back under control. Not under any influence of nicotine.
Is beautiful, I can tell you. I just had 9 days off from the Hari Raya shutdown, and I have spent these 9 days at home, with my wife and daughters, visiting friends, playing, swimming, going to the park, jogging, reading, doing stuff at home, baking, and more...., there isn't a lot of moments where I thought about smoking. That is so great, such a great feeling. A feeling that I am free from this nicotine and I do not need to get a puff when I am tired from doing house work, sneak out and grab a puff. Make excuses that I need to get out of the apartment to take things from my car, to throw out the rubbish, to buy newspaper, to drink coffee, to eat supper, to buy fruits, all these activities I must do it alone, in order to smoke and not let anyone know. These days, I don;t have to do all these. When I go out, I will ask if my kids want to join. Whereas in the past, when I go out, and if my wife ask me to bring the kids along to have a walk, I will feel disappointed that I don;t get to smoke and make all kinds of reason not to bring them. Can you imagine? Darn, now that I wrote this down, I have been a lousy lousy dad and husband. But the 9 days were fun. Were freedom. I am happy and it is different without the urge to smoke.
I really hope people can feel whatever I feel. Is a great feeling. I hope that people who is trying to quit, get to read this and maybe get some inspiration from this.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Quit Smoking - Part 2
Today is the 17th day that my body is free from nicotine. By 11pm tonight, it will be the 18th day that my body is free from nicotine.
Is it significant? You can bet it is, for me, at least.
Do I still long for cigarettes? Yes I do. And in a day, there will be a few cravings.
Do I feel healthier? Do not feel a thing.
What is the difference? Well, to start with I am saving money. And I am eating healthier, because in replacement of the cigarettes, I eat a lot more fruits. I am already a fruit eater even when I was a smoker, now I eat more.
Second, freedom. Yes, freedom, meaning for a lot of times, I am not dependent on smokes to live my life. As I explained in my previous article, in a lot of ways, cigarettes are involved and intertwined with our daily, weekly, monthly, yearly activities. Or maybe even some activities that are out of the blue, like a funeral, or a party, these activities involves smoking. And a lot of those activities, I have learned to attend to them without smokes. And there will be a lot more activities or situation that I will be experiencing for the first time without smokes, so only when I go through these activities for a few more times, will I be totally comfortable and free from the thought of smoking. But surely, I am getting there, despite the cravings on and off.
And third, I think I am calmer. My temperament got better. I do not get irritated or work-up over a certain things. I think because when I was a smoker I feel the need to smoke in order to get through something, and if I am deprive of the smoke, I would suffer from withdrawal effect and thus, easily irritated.
And finally, I feel that I have a better life and able to enjoy whatever I do without having to think about cigarettes at every juncture. I am about to rid myself from having to carry cigarettes and thinking about cigarettes when I am with my family. This is important. These 2 weeks, I am able to enjoy the company of my family without having to sneak out to have a smoke. I am able to immerse myself with them without having a need to break for ciggie. Is a nice situation to be in.
So all good and I need to continue this streak. And stay strong. Is very important for me, too important for me. I am determine to keep my commitment of never to take another puff.
Is it significant? You can bet it is, for me, at least.
Do I still long for cigarettes? Yes I do. And in a day, there will be a few cravings.
Do I feel healthier? Do not feel a thing.
What is the difference? Well, to start with I am saving money. And I am eating healthier, because in replacement of the cigarettes, I eat a lot more fruits. I am already a fruit eater even when I was a smoker, now I eat more.
Second, freedom. Yes, freedom, meaning for a lot of times, I am not dependent on smokes to live my life. As I explained in my previous article, in a lot of ways, cigarettes are involved and intertwined with our daily, weekly, monthly, yearly activities. Or maybe even some activities that are out of the blue, like a funeral, or a party, these activities involves smoking. And a lot of those activities, I have learned to attend to them without smokes. And there will be a lot more activities or situation that I will be experiencing for the first time without smokes, so only when I go through these activities for a few more times, will I be totally comfortable and free from the thought of smoking. But surely, I am getting there, despite the cravings on and off.
And third, I think I am calmer. My temperament got better. I do not get irritated or work-up over a certain things. I think because when I was a smoker I feel the need to smoke in order to get through something, and if I am deprive of the smoke, I would suffer from withdrawal effect and thus, easily irritated.
And finally, I feel that I have a better life and able to enjoy whatever I do without having to think about cigarettes at every juncture. I am about to rid myself from having to carry cigarettes and thinking about cigarettes when I am with my family. This is important. These 2 weeks, I am able to enjoy the company of my family without having to sneak out to have a smoke. I am able to immerse myself with them without having a need to break for ciggie. Is a nice situation to be in.
So all good and I need to continue this streak. And stay strong. Is very important for me, too important for me. I am determine to keep my commitment of never to take another puff.
Farewell HL Teoh
Mr. HL Teoh was 36 years old when he passed away on Sept 12, 2009 approximately 6pm. He was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, a disease in which the body's immune response attacks a person's central nervous system (brain and spinal cord). This is according to wikipedia. This illness is listed as one of the 36 critical illnesses that you always hear in an insurance policy but never really read it, nd even if you read it, you hope you never get it. Is a very rare disease according to Teoh when we communicated through skype a few months back. But is a very tough one to have.
He left behind 2 boys in primary school and a wife. He also left behind a great career, he had to quit a few months back to take care of himself. He was diagnosed with this disease at least 2 years back and has been fighting it ever since. I never get to see him. The last I saw him was at least 10 years ago when we were working on the same project. And after that I saw him briefly in HongKong also around that time. And after which we just communicated by phone, email, IM, skype...
I feel sad that I lost a friend and I never got to know you more. So long HL, have a great time wherever you are now.
He left behind 2 boys in primary school and a wife. He also left behind a great career, he had to quit a few months back to take care of himself. He was diagnosed with this disease at least 2 years back and has been fighting it ever since. I never get to see him. The last I saw him was at least 10 years ago when we were working on the same project. And after that I saw him briefly in HongKong also around that time. And after which we just communicated by phone, email, IM, skype...
I feel sad that I lost a friend and I never got to know you more. So long HL, have a great time wherever you are now.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Shooting the breeze - on Life
Today is a not so bad weather day. A few days back the weather is hazy in KL. But today, at least I can see the cumulus clouds right out form my office window. I can see spots of blue (greyish-blue), color of the sky where it is not covered by clouds. I long for those days where I can see blue skies, white clouds, and sharp skyline of the buildings and sharp outlines of the mountain range that is surrounding this valley. Those days will make my day.
My blogger colleague, Hussein (of steadyaku47), post a photo of Steve Jobs, pretty frail looking, and i saw the photo in the paper today too, after his liver transplant. And the message that hussein wrote, made me stop and ponder again. I have been giving serious thought about the fragility of life many many moons back. And I have been telling my wife to think about it no matter how busy she can be. The phrase - stop and smell the rose - is easier said, for some people, than done. For me, I try, no matter how busy I am, to spare some minutes or seconds looking out the window, thinking about the kids, my wife, my mom and dad, my brothers, my niece and nephews, my uncle and my aunt, my friends, my colleagues, and my achievements (sometimes, not much to speak of anyway).
I have an uncle (we call him "big uncle" because he is the eldest). He has 2 sons. His younger son died a few months back because of heart failure, he was 47. His elder son is in a coma since last week due to an auto accident. He was ran down by a kancil right in front of his house while walking to buy fruits across the street. I hope he will make it through.
I have a friend, a former colleague, 36 this year with 2 kids, diagnose with Multiple Sclerosis, no cure, and right now, made a turn for worse couple of days ago, in coma in a hospital in Johor Bahru. He was transferrd from a Singapore Hospital after a stem cell transplant. But it did not turn out good, and the hospital fee got too steep and he has to be transferred back to JB. Sad eh?
I lost my grandma a few months back. She was 100. Old. I am still in denial mode just a few months back, but nevertheless I have learned to accept it nevertheless it is still sad. I love her very much.
Such is the fragility of life. That's why I don;t want to slug after 45. I want out of the rat race and I will strive to do that. I will and I will need to do that because I am not sure if I will be around after 50, heck I am not sure I will be around tomorrow. So finding the balance is important.
Every morning when I wake up, the kids are there waiting for me to pounce on them and grab them and give them a peck or a bite or a big bear hug and all hell will break loose. My wife will be half awake or half asleep and the little one will still be beside my wife - breastfeeding, with an eye looking at me with a smirk on her little clean face. Ah.....this is life. I want it to last, forever, if possible.
My blogger colleague, Hussein (of steadyaku47), post a photo of Steve Jobs, pretty frail looking, and i saw the photo in the paper today too, after his liver transplant. And the message that hussein wrote, made me stop and ponder again. I have been giving serious thought about the fragility of life many many moons back. And I have been telling my wife to think about it no matter how busy she can be. The phrase - stop and smell the rose - is easier said, for some people, than done. For me, I try, no matter how busy I am, to spare some minutes or seconds looking out the window, thinking about the kids, my wife, my mom and dad, my brothers, my niece and nephews, my uncle and my aunt, my friends, my colleagues, and my achievements (sometimes, not much to speak of anyway).
I have an uncle (we call him "big uncle" because he is the eldest). He has 2 sons. His younger son died a few months back because of heart failure, he was 47. His elder son is in a coma since last week due to an auto accident. He was ran down by a kancil right in front of his house while walking to buy fruits across the street. I hope he will make it through.
I have a friend, a former colleague, 36 this year with 2 kids, diagnose with Multiple Sclerosis, no cure, and right now, made a turn for worse couple of days ago, in coma in a hospital in Johor Bahru. He was transferrd from a Singapore Hospital after a stem cell transplant. But it did not turn out good, and the hospital fee got too steep and he has to be transferred back to JB. Sad eh?
I lost my grandma a few months back. She was 100. Old. I am still in denial mode just a few months back, but nevertheless I have learned to accept it nevertheless it is still sad. I love her very much.
Such is the fragility of life. That's why I don;t want to slug after 45. I want out of the rat race and I will strive to do that. I will and I will need to do that because I am not sure if I will be around after 50, heck I am not sure I will be around tomorrow. So finding the balance is important.
Every morning when I wake up, the kids are there waiting for me to pounce on them and grab them and give them a peck or a bite or a big bear hug and all hell will break loose. My wife will be half awake or half asleep and the little one will still be beside my wife - breastfeeding, with an eye looking at me with a smirk on her little clean face. Ah.....this is life. I want it to last, forever, if possible.
My family and getting it done in 7 years.
My family consists of my wife-Yeefun, my daugthers-En and Hui. Of course our brothers and sisters and my parents and my parent in law. But really, all I have to take care and concentrate on are my wife and my daughters. We, my wife and I, are thinking of trying another one. 3 kids and we will call it a day.
We made a conscious decision of she, be a stay-at-home mom and I go out to get the dough. Yeefun did a splendid job in raising the kids, no doubt, bar none. At the back of my mind the main worry has always been and still is concern if I am able to be financially sound with a lot time on my side so that i can spend with my Yeefun and the kids. Is not ideal for me if I need to work until 55 or 60 not because i want to work but more because I have to work in order to have bread on the table. My wish is to be able to, say, stop slugging at 45, and have enough passive income to keep us going with our humble lifestyle. At that point, working is probably to pass time and contribute. That's like everybody's wish, isn't it.
Well, anyway, I have a few plans up my sleeve, I need to work on it. I believe I can.
Kunta Kinte
We made a conscious decision of she, be a stay-at-home mom and I go out to get the dough. Yeefun did a splendid job in raising the kids, no doubt, bar none. At the back of my mind the main worry has always been and still is concern if I am able to be financially sound with a lot time on my side so that i can spend with my Yeefun and the kids. Is not ideal for me if I need to work until 55 or 60 not because i want to work but more because I have to work in order to have bread on the table. My wish is to be able to, say, stop slugging at 45, and have enough passive income to keep us going with our humble lifestyle. At that point, working is probably to pass time and contribute. That's like everybody's wish, isn't it.
Well, anyway, I have a few plans up my sleeve, I need to work on it. I believe I can.
Kunta Kinte
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Quit Smoking
I am a tobacco-user since I was 18. I am going to be 36 pretty soon. Cigarette is my nicotine delivery device. I am not a chronic smoker, relatively speaking. I know people that do 2 packs a day (1 pack = 20 sticks), I heard people doing 3 packs a day. I sometimes hit a pack a day, most days no. Somedays, especially during the weekends, I don;t smoke at all when I am with my family. The reason is very simple, it sets a bad example for my children and more importantly, I want to live longer for my wife would have killed me.
Countless of times, my wife has asked me to quit smoking, and everytime I disappoint her of not stopping. See one of the problem for me is that I find that smoking is a pleasure for me. Honest. I know this is not going to be good and politically not correct. But that is how I feel whenever I wanted to think or get away or release some tension, smoking can be that thing that will allow me to that or prepare me to do what I wanted to do.
It never occur to me to stop smoking. I did not have the intention to stop smoking. I did not really try to quit before. I am not sure why made the decision I made, but I made it. You see, I love Yeefun (my wife), En and Hui (my daugthers) very very much, and I wanted to see them and be with them as long as I can. Don;t get me wrong, Yeefun can drive me nuts and up the wall, but she is too ingrain in me already, I would not want to spend time with any other women. And i want to grow old, as healthy as possible, with them. So, I decided to quit smoking. I wanted to reduce the risk of me getting tobacco related illnesses, which I gather can be real nasty.
I quit or attempt to quit cold turkey style. And my body is free of nicotine for 11 days solid now. Not sure how long it will last, but I intend to keep it that way as long as possible. Sometimes, even now, I still get cravings not from nicotine addiction, they say nicotine is totally out of my body the first 3 days. Now is more of psychological cravings. You know, one have to smoke to do something. Or one has to smoke after accomplishing somthing or one has to smoke while doing something...kind of thing. I need to pass a lot more days, go through a lot more situations without smoking, and the more I gather those situations under my belt, then I will have less and less cravings. I think I can succeed, I owe it to my family to succeed. Well we shall see.
Countless of times, my wife has asked me to quit smoking, and everytime I disappoint her of not stopping. See one of the problem for me is that I find that smoking is a pleasure for me. Honest. I know this is not going to be good and politically not correct. But that is how I feel whenever I wanted to think or get away or release some tension, smoking can be that thing that will allow me to that or prepare me to do what I wanted to do.
It never occur to me to stop smoking. I did not have the intention to stop smoking. I did not really try to quit before. I am not sure why made the decision I made, but I made it. You see, I love Yeefun (my wife), En and Hui (my daugthers) very very much, and I wanted to see them and be with them as long as I can. Don;t get me wrong, Yeefun can drive me nuts and up the wall, but she is too ingrain in me already, I would not want to spend time with any other women. And i want to grow old, as healthy as possible, with them. So, I decided to quit smoking. I wanted to reduce the risk of me getting tobacco related illnesses, which I gather can be real nasty.
I quit or attempt to quit cold turkey style. And my body is free of nicotine for 11 days solid now. Not sure how long it will last, but I intend to keep it that way as long as possible. Sometimes, even now, I still get cravings not from nicotine addiction, they say nicotine is totally out of my body the first 3 days. Now is more of psychological cravings. You know, one have to smoke to do something. Or one has to smoke after accomplishing somthing or one has to smoke while doing something...kind of thing. I need to pass a lot more days, go through a lot more situations without smoking, and the more I gather those situations under my belt, then I will have less and less cravings. I think I can succeed, I owe it to my family to succeed. Well we shall see.
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